Forging Beauty from Grief: Patrick Shiroishi and Jason Nazary Confront Loss on here i am no i

Executive Overview

In the contemporary landscape of experimental music, true uncompromised vision is a rare and precious commodity. Enter here i am no i, a daring collaborative statement from saxophonist Patrick Shiroishi and percussionist/electronic artist Jason Nazary. Eschewing the comforting safety nets of traditional song structures, harmonic resolutions, and easy listening, the album stakes out a perilous, thrilling territory somewhere between free improvisation, electro-acoustic exploration, and avant-garde jazz. Released to critical intrigue, this seven-track collection is far more than a mere technical exercise; it is an emotionally charged monument born from sudden, devastating loss.

At its core, the album serves as a deeply felt tribute to the late, visionary trumpeter and composer Jaimie Branch, who tragically passed away in 2022. For Nazary, whose extensive creative partnership with Branch in the explosive duo Anteloper yielded some of the most vital avant-jazz of the past decade, the recording process arrived during an intensely raw, vulnerable period in his life. Rather than retreating into silence or taking the path of least resistance through conventional studio tracking, Nazary and Shiroishi channeled their collective grief into spontaneous creation. Shiroishi dispatched foundational material to Nazary, who responded with immediate, visceral drum and electronic performances across a single, concentrated session.

The resulting record flows as one uninterrupted, undulating stream of consciousness—a dense tapestry of fractured saxophones, modular synthesis, and acoustic percussion. It is a work defined by contradictions: intensely personal yet expressed through an unfamiliar, avant-garde lexicon; formally challenging yet emotionally transparent. For listeners willing to surrender conventional expectations and meet the artists on their own uncompromising terms, here i am no i offers a profound window into how two master improvisers translate visceral human suffering into transcendent, boundary-pushing art.


Detailed Chronology: The Genesis and Realization of a Monument

To truly understand the sonic architecture of here i am no i, one must examine the timeline of events, artistic trajectories, and emotional catalysts that culminated in its single-session recording.

The Shadow of 2022 and the Anteloper Connection

The catalyst for the album’s distinct emotional weight was etched into the global jazz community in the fall of 2022 with the untimely passing of Jaimie Branch. Branch was a towering figure in the international underground—a fearless trumpeter, conceptualist, and bandleader whose work subverted expectations of genre, blending punk ethos with deep jazz lineage. Jason Nazary served as one of her closest and most trusted collaborators, anchoring the rhythm section of Anteloper alongside Branch.

The loss of Branch left a massive void in the creative ecosystem, hitting Nazary and the broader experimental community with staggering force. In the wake of such profound disruption, traditional compositional methods felt inadequate. Words failed; music had to step into the breach.

The Remote Exchange and the Single Session

The realization of the album bypassed traditional face-to-face rehearsal rooms. Operating across geographical and conceptual distances, Patrick Shiroishi generated a series of primary sonic materials and sent them across the digital ether to Nazary. Rather than meticulously plotting arrangements or overdubbing takes over months, Nazary approached the material with raw, instinctive immediacy.

Working in a solitary, highly charged atmosphere, Nazary laid down his responses in a single, continuous recording session. This methodology preserved the purity of first reactions—capturing the unvarnished psychological state of an artist processing acute grief. When Shiroishi’s saxophone textures merged with Nazary’s volatile, pulse-driven electronics and acoustic percussion, the resulting tracks bypassed intellectual filters to tap directly into an unfiltered stream of sorrow, resilience, and catharsis.

Structural Flow of the Seven Pieces

Although recorded instinctively, the seven tracks of here i am no i cohere with the narrative grace of a novel, flowing seamlessly as one extended meditation:

  1. "self portrait against blue": Serves as the atmospheric gateway, establishing a searching, melancholic tone that sets the psychological stage for the entire journey.
  2. "lovesong of the square root of negative one" & "black on dark sienna on purple": Push further into abstraction, utilizing dense, non-linear sonic environments where traditional harmony is entirely dissolved.
  3. "dots" & "endless skyway": Highlight the interplay of repetition and texture. Here, electronic pulses and fragmented saxophone motifs loop, evolve, and gradually reshape the surrounding acoustic space.
  4. "approach of the horizon": Acts as a tentative, emotional focal point, offering something approaching resolution without ever granting the listener easy, unearned comfort.

Supporting Context & Metrics: The Foundations of an Avant-Garde Vocabulary

To appreciate the sonic density of here i am no i, one must analyze the diverse, highly sophisticated musical genealogies that both Patrick Shiroishi and Jason Nazary bring to the table. Their individual resumes read like a masterclass in modern border-transgressing musicianship.

Patrick Shiroishi: From Classical Rigor to the Los Angeles DIY Scene

Patrick Shiroishi’s musical identity defies easy categorization, rooted in a vast spectrum of formal training and counter-cultural immersion.

  • Early Training: Shiroishi began his musical journey as a classically trained pianist before expanding his technical horizons to classical guitar.
  • The Underground Shift: His entry point into experimental music, however, bypassed traditional academic pathways, finding a home in rock, punk, and the vibrant, uncompromising Los Angeles DIY scene.
  • Influences: This raw energy eventually collided with a deep dive into the jazz canon, absorbing the emotional urgency of Sonny Rollins, the spiritual intensity of early John Coltrane, and, perhaps most crucially, the hyper-kinetic, cinematic collage style of John Zorn’s Naked City.

On here i am no i, this varied background manifests in how Shiroishi treats his primary instrument. The saxophone rarely functions as a conventional jazz lead voice. Instead, Shiroishi bends, fractures, and multiplies tones, at times making the saxophone sound indistinguishable from the surrounding electronic environment. It is an approach that treats sound not as a vehicle for melody, but as a physical, malleable material.

Patrick Shiroishi & Jason Nazary ‘here i am no i’ LP (We Jazz) 3/5

Jason Nazary: Bridging Acoustic Power and Electronic Synthesis

Jason Nazary’s artistic footprint is equally formidable, defined by a restless exploration of the intersection between human physicality and machine logic.

  • Collaborative Roots: As a co-founder of the avant-rock/experimental outfit Little Women and his ongoing work in Anteloper, Nazary has consistently pushed the boundaries of how a drum kit interacts with modular synthesisers and live electronics.
  • The We Jazz Connection: His acclaimed solo release Spring Collection for the We Jazz label exemplified this fascination, marrying the sweat and muscle of acoustic percussion with shimmering, glitching electronic soundscapes.

In here i am no i, Nazary’s drumming avoids steady, functional timekeeping. Instead, his percussion acts as a kinetic forcefield—shifter, reactor, and provocateur—interlocking seamlessly with Shiroishi’s wind-driven electronics.

Sonic Metrics and Stylistic Intersection

Musical Dimension Patrick Shiroishi’s Contribution Jason Nazary’s Contribution
Primary Instrument Alto/Tenor/Soprano Saxophones, Electronics Acoustic Drums, Modular Synthesisers, Live FX
Stylistic Roots Classical, Punk/DIY, Free Jazz, John Zorn lineage Free Improvisation, Experimental Rock, Electro-Acoustic
Processing Approach Extended techniques, microtonal bending, textural blending Polyrhythmic pulse, tactile sound design, reactive electronics
Emotional Objective Fluid, spectral vulnerability Kinetic catharsis, textural grounding

Official Statements and Critical Perspectives

The release of here i am no i has drawn significant attention from avant-garde music critics, scholars, and listeners alike, igniting discussions about the nature of commemorative art and the limits of listener comfort.

Critical Reception and the Aesthetics of Discomfort

Reviewers have universally noted the album’s uncompromising refusal to pander to commercial sensibilities. Music critics writing for platforms such as UK Vibe have emphasized that the record is deliberately unsettling:

"There’s nothing conventional about here i am no i, and thankfully neither Patrick Shiroishi nor Jason Nazary seem particularly interested in making it easy for the listener… It is a document of two musicians responding instinctively to grief, friendship and the need to make something when words are inadequate."

Rather than offering comforting nostalgia or sanitised grief, Shiroishi and Nazary opted for an aesthetic of raw honesty. The album acknowledges that mourning is rarely linear, peaceful, or polite; it is jagged, fragmented, and frequently overwhelming. By translating these psychological truths into sound, the duo has crafted a work that challenges audiences to sit with discomfort rather than seeking immediate resolution.

Artistic Intent: Making Art When Words Fail

In interviews and liner notes surrounding their broader bodies of work, both artists have frequently touched upon the necessity of improvisation as a survival mechanism. When sudden tragedy strikes—such as the loss of a peer and collaborator of Jaimie Branch’s magnitude—standard musical idioms often feel hollow.

By bypassing conventional song forms and leaning entirely into spontaneous, electro-acoustic dialogue, Shiroishi and Nazary established an authentic emotional connection. The music operates as a direct channel of empathy between two artists who shared a deep reverence for the departed composer. It asserts that experimental music, far from being an academic or sterile exercise, remains one of the most potent human tools for processing collective trauma.


Future Outlook: The Evolution of Post-Genre Improvisation

As here i am no i continues to circulate through the international underground and contemporary jazz ecosystems, its long-term impact on the trajectory of both artists—and the broader avant-garde scene—points toward several vital cultural developments.

Redefining the Parameters of Modern Jazz

The album arrives at a time when traditional boundaries separating jazz, electronica, and free improvisation are dissolving at an accelerating rate. By refusing to anchor their compositions in standard harmonic frameworks or swing rhythms, Shiroishi and Nazary demonstrate that contemporary improvised music can absorb the sonic vocabularies of noise, drone, and ambient music without losing its emotional core. This stylistic fluidity is likely to inspire a new generation of musicians to view genre constraints as arbitrary barriers rather than foundational rules.

Collaborative Futures and Live Interpetations

For Shiroishi and Nazary, here i am no i represents a high watermark in remote-turned-live collaboration. The success of this single-session methodology highlights the viability of decentralized, high-stakes improvisational creation in the modern era. As performance spaces increasingly welcome boundary-pushing electro-acoustic acts, presenting these complex, emotionally fraught pieces in live settings promises to push both artists into even more radical sonic territories.

Ultimately, here i am no i stands as a testament to the resilience of the human spirit when confronted with the incomprehensible. It demands patience, rewards deep listening, and cements both Patrick Shiroishi and Jason Nazary as indispensable architects of modern improvised sound. For those willing to meet the album on its own terms, it offers an unforgettable journey through the crucible of grief and the transcendent power of sonic art.

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